So, I went and got my car fixed. There was a recall notice so they fixed it for no charge. I’m glad it’s finally taken care of.
Also, dad finally talked me into calling my old job, and OMG I MIGHT JUST BE GETTING IT BACK. My boss said she just let 3 people go so I actually called at a good time. She wants me to call back Friday but dad says I should go in. I think it will make more of an impression.
Woo I’m just so excited and happy you guys. I’m so fucking tired of being broke and not even having a checking account. My parents say they’re gonna pay off the negative balance here soon so that also makes me happy. I really am so tired of being broke.
And then if/when I get a new checking account, I really want to possibly start doing commissions. I’ll start small, like sketches/line art/flat color first. I still am not very experienced in digital coloring/painting.
I just want money and I don’t want to be cooped up in this house all summer.
I AM SO FUCKING HAPPY RIGHT NOW YOU GUYS DON’T EVEN KNOW.
lol, I hate it when I think I’ve gotten an ask and I’m all “OMG YAY SOMEBODY WANTS TO TALK TO MEEEEE.”
And then I get there only to realize it’s a fucking ANONYMOUS SPAM ABOUT THAT STUPID TUMBLR DIET THING.
Ugh. Way to kill a good mood.
sometimes I feel like some of you are intentionally ignoring me.
finally fixed my blog and i actually like it.
now just gotta fix the rp blog and make an art blog.
GUYS I JUST CHECKED MY GRADES ON MY SCHOOLS WEBSITE
I MADE ALL A’S THIS SEMESTER, BROUGHT MY GPA BACK UP AND MADE THE DEAN’S LIST.
AHHH OMG. I DIDN’T EXPECT TO MAKE ALL A’S I THOUGHT I MIGHT MAKE A COUPLE B’S. WHAAAT.
YES. SO HAPPY.
Also, called my doc. about my med’s and the possibility of seeing a counselor. I was told the 50mg Zoloft is for me to take at night, and I take 100mg during the day. I just need to get the 100mg filled. She also said she would set me up with someone and let me now.
So, everything’s going good. * u* Just took a 100mg Zoloft along with my ADHD medicine.
back from the doc’s
I’m exhausted. I am going to call back tomorrow to see if there is going to be anything done about possibly seeing a counselor ? She said she would set me up with one, so I’m not sure.
But other than that I was finally able to talk to her about what has been on my mind: the strong self-harm/suicidal urges, the constant depression and exhaustion, the nightmares, and past abuse.
I explained to her what memories I do have of things that have happened to me when I was younger, and how I feel like I can’t talk to my parents about these things because
1.) mother does not believe anything ever happened, step-dad denies everything.
2.) not comfortable talking with dad and step-mom, as they always bring religion into the equation.
They all sorta’ play a part in why I feel the way do. I think what is stressing me out now is having to deal with them whereas when I was living in a dorm at school I didn’t have to deal with them everyday.
The doc said I would have to see somebody, and remember what happened so I could move on. That doesn’t surprise me. She also said she would try to up my dosage of Zoloft. I then got all my refills then left, but the pharmacy fucked up my Zoloft and only gave me 50mg instead of 100mg (dose I am currently on) or more. Now I have to call and settle that tomorrow.
The one thing the doc did mention was that I was tired from having to deal with everything. Because I can sleep for 12 hours and then take a 3 hour nap during the day. I don’t think that’s normal, and not just a ‘typical teenager thing’ either. IT’s also hard to do fucking anything when you feel like you’re going to pass out.
I am super exhausted right now.
going to the doc’s
hopefully it will go well. I have a lot of shit I need to talk to them about.
ugh I’m nervous.
i don’t know
please, explain to me why living in suffocating misery is so much better than being at peace as a corpse in the ground.
explain why my life is important, other than “oh well people will miss you if you’re gone stop being selfish you’re only thinking of yourself.”