July 2011
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I feel
So fat.
So very, very fat.
:I I know I’m not that bad, but I could be better.
I should probably be excersizing or something.
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So my step-mom finally got her retirement check, and after a huge shopping spree I’m finally back home, soon to go see Captain America.
Having money is fun. We’re usually shit broke haha.
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So I didn’t go to therapy today. Apparently she was sick and all of her appointments were canceled.
I wanted to talk to her, to, but I can wait till’ next Friday.
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I love my mom.
I do. I don’t care how bad people think she’s been. We got to talk today, since I’ve been visiting her. Though she doesn’t exactly believe what I tell her happened, she’s come to acknowledge and respect that I believe what happened. Which means a lot to me
So yes, this weeks been pretty good.
Tomorrow I have therapy, which is just more to look forward to I suppose....
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At the hospital.
With dad, and no, this isn’t related to the last post I made about him in being in the hospital. He was let out that very next day, then he was out for a day before he started having a fever of about 102-103 before going back.
I wish they could figure out what’s wrong with him.
In other news, I’m off of the Saphiris, which is a good thing because I hated the pill anyway. It...
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today
This is probably one of my more shitty days.
Mom called, though she apologized for how she treated me the other day and we both talked. She still doesn’t believe me - but knows very well I believe what happened, but thinks it’s something like the medicine I used to take when I was young.
Then, dad gets taken to the hospital for having seizure like symptoms and banging his head up...
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Psychiatrist appointment
It went well today, and instead of Bipolar Disorder 2 that my therapist had originally thought, he said that it sounded more like Borderline Personality Disorder. He thinks I might be mildly Bipolar, but he’s not for sure.
All in all, it wasn’t really a shocker to me or my step-mom, because of how I go to dads one week and my moms the next. It’s like I live two separate lives.
...
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Tumblr, you irritate me sometimes.
I think I sent something to somebody earlier, but I don’t know now because tumblr is just knerfjnrebfjbtfdvkjnj.
And I don’t want to resend and make myself look like some annoying bitch.
lol whaaatever.
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Therapy today.
Went very well, and no, they won’t be sending me to some mental hospital or anything. My therapist said something along the lines of “I have to be suicidal and planning on killing myself.”
I don’t plan on killing myself.
And in the end we all decided that I would stay at my dads a little longer maybe longer if I need it, and mom suggested that I go during the day when...
curlyqdaggers asked: I know your mom may feel hurt by you leaving, but I think eventually she will realize it's what is best for your mental health right now. And if she can't see that, then you shouldn't be living with her.. I hope your appointment tomorrow goes smoothly.. Take care of yourself.
curlyqdaggers asked: Hi there. I track the PTSD tag so I noticed your post about staying at your dad's, going to the hospital for a week, and just wanting some general feedback on the situation.. So I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds as a complete stranger on Tumblr who's stumbled onto your blog for only a few minutes. But here's my two cents: From what you post, I can gather that staying with...
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Need some help here.
I’m at my dads now, and I told everybody what I did to my arm. Instead of getting mad or yelling, they understood. I didn’t feel so isolated and alone
They think I need to stay over here, away from my moms and her husband, (sorry to confuse anybody, but I don’t really see him as a worthy “step-dad”, after all he’s put me through) so I don’t have to look...
Anonymous asked: You are a truly beautiful person. NEVER forget that!
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Something I need to say
Before it eats me up inside and I do something stupid again. I already did something I said I never would again, and am slowly becoming the one person I never wanted to be. A cutting, self-mutilating maniac. Whether or not you think this is for attention is up to you, because, you know maybe I do want some fucking attention. I want to feel like I exist. Like I matter on this god forsaken planet...
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Therapy
My therapist strongly believes I’m Bipolar. It runs in my moms family, so I’m not to surprised. Mom thinks she might be Bipolar as well, which doesn’t surprise me either.
So I have an appointment set up to see the psychiatrist that works there. She thinks he’ll change my medication, and I’m sort of wondering what he’ll change it to if he does.
Hopefully...
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So.
I guess it’s time to take back all the bad things I said about my step-mom.
Well, after having to pawn some shit to get some money to pay bills, she went and bought some stuff and spent some of that money. Later that day when dad comes home and finds out, he throws the biggest bitch fit and decides to scare everybody in the house with his ranting and raving and just childish shit.
...