Here I am again, having a bit of a boring day without the use of the computer, though starting Skyrim was pretty good.
I’m guessing people would want me to regret what happened with the drugs and stuff, right?
For some reason, no, not really.
Well, maybe for some time, but there’s always this part of me that just wants to be the abusive asshole.
I know I have anger issues, and I know I have a tendency to react before thinking, but to me, it’s just defending myself. I just sort of expect that nobody else is going to do it for me. I mean, sometimes I’ll regret what I do; apologize for it, but then later, I’ll completely regret doing that, even if I was wrong in doing it.
Does anybody else get feelings like this?
Part of it is the intimacy in apologizing and admitting your mistake, because sometimes there’s tears, hugging, etc. I’ve never liked intimacy, not with my step-sister, not with my step-mom, or Dalilah. The only type of ‘loving relationship’ that I’ve been comfortable with is that of my actual parents. I’ve never wanted to be that ‘mushy, nice, lovable, kissy, touchy’ type of person. It makes me feel exposed and that I’ll be taken advantage of. Even by the four year old (Dalilah), and I know you’d wonder how the fuck could a four year old take advantage of you? It’s just how it’s always been, especially with my brothers, and it may have been from fighting with them so bad when I was younger.
Well, any comments or helpful tips would be appreaciated.